dying

I've been sick lately. It's weird to me since I never get sick. If it becomes unbearable, or a close friend convinces me, I'll head to the doctor, then whatever they give me usually does the trick.

As I was laying in bed aching, and started to think about what could possibly be wrong with me. I started to think about if I didn't wake up in the morning. Would it really be all that bad. I wrote about this before here:http://cozmo103.diaryland.com/020426_42.html. I tried thinking about how these could be the last few seconds of my life before i fall asleep never to wake on this earth again. honestly, it sounded kinda cool. being in heaven and all. then i thought about melissa and all the people that love me, and felt bad for them. I don't think i would know what they would be experiencing, but would it really be all that bad if they knew that i was chillin up in heaven do much cooler things than sinning every day? That probably wouldn't ease their pain at all, but it's not like i wouldnt see them again. I mean can't they wait for a few decades till they die too, and we all just rondezvous back up in heaven for some good times? I started thinking about what if they died and i was stuck here on earth waiting. Is it wrong of my to fullfill a selfish desire to die and be with Jesus? No doubt it is selfish.

I hate going to the doctor